“When I was a novice monk, for a certain period of time, the devil brought to me such blasphemous thoughts even when I was in Church, and I grieved over them a great deal. Whatever I had heard spoken by others, when I had been a soldier, swear words, curses and so forth, the devil would bring to my mind about the Saints.
“My Spiritual Father would say to me, ‘These thoughts are from the devil. The fact that a person is grieved over these impure thoughts which go through his mind about the holy and sacred things, this alone is already proof that they are not his own but, rather, come from outside.’ I, however, continued to be distressed by them…
“One day during the Divine Liturgy, at the Trisagion Hymn, I, with the other monks, was chanting quietly the Trisagion Hymn of Neleos. Then I saw a huge and fearful beast with a dog’s head entering from the door of the Litye. Flames were coming out of its mouth and its eyes! He turned and gave me two gestures of a curse, because I was chanting Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy upon us.
“I turned to the side to see if anyone else had seen the beast, but no one had. Later I told my Spiritual Father, ‘This and this happened to me.’ Then my Spiritual Father said to me, ‘There, you saw him. That’s him [who is the source of your blasphemous thoughts]. Now, will you stop worrying and be still.'”
St. Paisios of Mt. Athos (+1994) recounts the above story when counseling some nuns who were struggling with blasphemous thoughts. [1]
THE SOURCE OF BLASPHEMY
What are blasphemous thoughts? They are inappropriate thoughts or images about Christ, the Theotokos, the saints, icons, the Eucharist, our spiritual father, or anything else that is sacred or holy.
These thoughts originate from demons themselves and not from our own minds, though this may be impossible to perceive. With blasphemous thoughts, the demons will target people who are sensitive, as was the case with St. Paisios above. Demons will stream these thoughts through the person’s mind and then berate the person mercilessly for having such thoughts. It can make someone feel as if he is losing his mind.
I purposely did not name this blog “Struggling” or “Wrestling” with blasphemous thoughts, but rather “Rejecting” them. Why? Because these thoughts, unlike sinful passions, do not stem from the sinful corruption of our nature, but rather come straight from hell. They are not an unnatural part of us that we must struggle to uproot, but are like a demonic radio playing in our heads that must be kicked out the window.
CONFESSION OF THOUGHTS
It is important to note, however, our reaction to the blasphemous thoughts. If a person is grieved or troubled over them, then it is a sign that these thoughts have no home in him. However, if he finds some delight, amusement, or agreement with the thoughts, then he must immediately begin rejecting the thoughts and schedule a confession with his priest.
When in confession, we confess our sinful thoughts to the priest to receive forgiveness for them. However, it is not the same with blasphemous thoughts because these are the devil’s thoughts. If we were grieved by them, then we can simply say, “Father, I am having blasphemous thoughts about Christ (or anything else).” It is important that we let our spiritual father know this is going on so that he may pray for us. It can also help us feel a little less crazy. We also must not go into detail about what these thoughts entailed. Thoughts coming straight from hell are not healthy to ever recollect.
If someone has found some internal agreement with the blasphemous thoughts, it is important that he mention this in confession as well.
OVERCOMING THE THOUGHTS
The first and foremost thing to remember about blasphemous thoughts is that they are not our own. While feeling grief over them is natural, we must be careful not to slip into despair, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. St. Paisios recommended singing and chanting church hymns and psalms in order to combat blasphemous thoughts.
Singing such uplifting songs can prevent us from sinking into internal darkness. It also discourages the demon that is tormenting you. If he sees you praising God with all of your heart every time he gives you some blasphemous thought, he’s not going to want to keep doing such a thing for very long.
Remember, you’re not crazy and this is not your sin. It is the devil’s sin. His combative strategy in attacking us with blasphemous thoughts is twofold: (1) to see if we have some sort of agreement with them and, if so, to attempt to turn us into a little devil as well; (2) to try to drag us down into depression or hopelessness about our salvation because of the wicked thoughts going through our mind.
If rejected immediately upon recognition, St. Paisios states that these will eventually go away. It may take weeks, months, or years, but we must not lose hope or ever feel ownership for these thoughts.
End Notes:
[1] The above material was taken from the chapter Blasphemous Thoughts from the book Spiritual Struggle, which is a book I highly recommend. It is published by the Holy Monastery of “Evangelist John the Theologian,” Souroti, Thessaloniki, Greece, 2010. A copy can be purchased here.
This is something that tormented me greatly even as a child/adolescent. For many years I despaired and thought they were my own thoughts and that God would never forgive me, and I abandoned Christianity. I still struggle with such thoughts though much less nowadays, and thanks be to God that somebody along the way showed me this truth you speak of and helped me back on the road of salvation.
Thank you for sharing, Steven. I think there are many people who quietly struggle with this issue, who are too scared to say anything about it for fear that these thoughts are actually coming from themselves, and whose faith eventually falls apart as did yours. Glory to God he brought you back into his fold!
Very happy to hear that you’re doing and yes these aren’t really your thoughts which is a relief!!!
Thank for sharing St. Paisios’ wisdom on this subject. I often find that my prayers can be disrupted by these wicked thoughts as they can make me feel so wretched that I turn away from prayer; which is exactly what the devil intends. May we all persevere through these assaults.
I think many people quietly struggle with this, Seraphim. May we persevere through the prayers of the saints.
I think such type of thought will be perish when we expose our self to the word of God
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
— John 8፥32 (KJV)
Please pray for me Im afflicted with blasphemous thoughts and feelings all the time , please pray for my healing and repentance.
May God have mercy on you, Emmanuel. Don’t give up the struggle, and talk to your priest about it when you get a chance.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this.
A rest for my soul
Yes! I’ve been dealing with this but this struggle has made me pray far far more than I ever have in the past!!! Thank you, for this post it is truly wonderful to know that the enemy is sinning but that the sin isn’t always on us in this regard.
Recently I was struggling with blasphemous thoughts, right from the beginning, they hit me like a slap in the head, I became worried, anxious but I didn’t give in, I knew that the only way to get them out of my head was through God. With prayer, and repent, And I am so happy that God listened to my prayers and helped me overcome those hideous blasphemous thoughts. Believe in God, He is the only way, stay strong, never give up, always pray and never doubt Him. God Bless!
Please pray for me, I have suffered for years
May God have mercy on you and bless you.
Hello. I have read this probably thrice in one setting. I was baptized and crismated after Easter of last year. The one thing I’ve been dealing with is what’s called maladaptive daydreaming (MDD) or (leaving your mind on idle). I have yet to explain this to the Abbot (spiritual father) at the monastery 2 hours from where I live. The church that I attend is a little over an hour, everyone is wonderful but I feel that even the priest who is part time and lives 2 hours away from the church is always too busy. So I don’t want to pressure him on hearing my experiences.
I have dealt with MDD since I was 3 due to traumatizing experiences. I would look for an escape by finding something to jump up and down in place for hours about. I would imagine certain things like a picture coming to life and me dancing with whatever was in the picture frame just to feel a sense of coping with what was going on around me. I didn’t understand that the imaginative faculty is like a “bridge” that can connect with the imaginative faculty of demons until recently. As I got older I’m (34) I left my mind idle through out school, I didn’t graduate due to daydreaming and due to me not understanding on how to reason and rationalize what was being taught to me. I now struggle with MDD. If I’m not attentive and I daydream, I’ll get depressed from whatever I just spent an hour or more daydreaming about. It doesn’t have to be anything Holy but the habit of daydreaming I feel is none the less dangerous because of the negligence of prayer. I’m learning by the grace of God that there is no better habit than heartfelt prayer but I still even at 34 years of age I find myself jumping up and down while listening to music entranced in a daydream. I want so much for this time consuming habit to cease. Any advice would be helpful including certain hymns you could recommend me. Godless you.
Hello Topher, I’m glad you found this post helpful. I would direct you to your spiritual father regarding specific advice and recommendations. That said, I often find hymns to the Theotokos to be quite helpful (Agni Parthene and others).
I feel fired up now. Thank you for this wisdom you have shared! It will help me immensely. God be with you alway.
I am a Roman Catholic who was baptized and raised in a pretty religious family (my grandparents mostly). I grew up on Jesus and prayed and attended church on Sundays when I was visiting my grandparents in the summer. God came to me twice in my dreams: 1st time I was a kid about 7 maybe, I saw a bright light in the corner of my bathroom ceiling in my dream, I asked the light if it was an extraterrestrial and the light said I am God; 2nd time I saw the same white light in my dream after I argued with my dad that Christianity is the only true religion, that whoever believes in Christ will be saved. The voice from the light said something, I forgot the beginning of the sentence but it ended with something like this And you will be with me. So later I grew up, college, marriage, divorce… a lot of sins, mortal mostly and venial too, I did not pray much, randomly went to church… I saw the devil in my dream, my heartfelt prayer Our Father crushed him and sent him back to the ground.. so recently I was as if awakened by the Holy Spirit.. I reanalyzed my life and who God is and who He is to me, and that I never want to live without Jesus in my life and that I want to make right by Him, and follow him and live my life in faith and as He taught us to live. From that moment on I am starting to get horrible blasphemous and sexual thoughts about God, Mother Mary, saints, priests, etc.. mostly during prayers or Bible reading but also in my dreams.. in my dreams I get a clear message to reject Christianity, Eucharist and to worship the enemy… I honestly don’t know how to make this all stop, I just wake up and tell God I reject these dreams and thoughts but they won’t stop. I also have OCD which makes this worse. I am scared of offending my God and turning away from Him because I don’t ever want any of that to happen. I love Jesus very much and am grateful for everything God has ever done for me and especially for pulling me out of my sinful life. I keep confessing these thoughts but they don’t end. Please help! P.S. Also once I got back closer to God I saw a demon in my bedroom at nigt growling at me, I was paralyzed and could not speak, I only said Jesus in my mind and they left me. They don’t want me to get close to Jesus and I WANT THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
May God help you, Margarita. The level of resistance you are getting seems to indicate you are on the right path. Don’t let the devil discourage you. Keep up the good fight!
Thank you so much, Father! I am trying, I just hope I am not offending God, because I have no intention at all. This is really frustrating.
From what you’ve shared, I don’t think God is offended. But certainly talk to your priest if you want to review things further.