Preparing for Your Life Confession

It’s that time of year: glorious Pascha draws near and catechumens are readying themselves to join the Orthodox Church. Part of the process of joining is going through a life confession, which leaves many people feeling quite nervous. I want to provide some guidance to my parishioners (and anyone else who may read this) to help them prepare for their life confession and know what to expect.

Estimated Time

Most people take 45-60 minutes for a life confession, though that time can vary. Some people cover everything in as little as 30 minutes and other people need more than 60 minutes. If you have many sins weighing on your conscience, then you may need to make sure the priest has adequate time set aside when you all meet.

The Rubrics

In the Slavic tradition (which is all I know), we generally approach confession as follows:

1. Venerate the Gospel or icon of Christ that sits in the place where confession is heard (cross and bow twice, kiss, cross and bow a third time)
2. Receive a blessing from the priest
3. Stand, kneel, or sit (depending on the set up and the priest’s preference)
4. Make your confession
5. Receive any spiritual guidance the priest has for you
6. (When you’re Orthodox, you’ll normally receive absolution after you’re done confessing. Before you join, the absolution is part of the baptism and chrismation service.)
7. And then repeat steps one and two above

Preparation: Four Stages of Life

In the life confession, I encourage people to think of their lives in four different stages:

1. Childhood
2. Adolescence
3. Adulthood
4. Present struggles

I separate the first stage from the second one because the things that happen to us in our childhood often shape us for life. I encourage people to bring up not only their own sins, but the shortcomings of others that had a great emotional impact on them (that might be abuse, a parent’s alcoholism, divorce, etc.). While it is generally a good rule not to confess the sins of others, if you’ve been traumatized by someone or if there is a sin that is repeated in every generation of your family, it may be good for your father confessor to know. Your priest is not a clinical therapist, but he is there to listen to you and pray for you. Knowing more about your spiritual and psychological condition can help him provide you with better guidance.

In most stages of life, it’s best to summarize things. Some examples: “I frequently yelled at my parents and was defiant” or “I had a bad habit of lying as a child” or “I waste hours a day watching videos or scrolling on my phone.” There’s no need to go into any particular story unless there’s some trauma attached to it.

Personal Responsibility

St. Paul wrote, “If we judge ourselves, God will not judge us” (cf. 1 Cor. 11:31). As mentioned above, we should generally focus on our own sins when we confess. It’s important that we learn to take responsibility for the choices we’ve made – even if the sin of someone else drove us to it. Trying to belittle or justify our sins, especially compared to what the other person did, doesn’t move us toward healing.

It’s also important for us to name the sin. We are often embarrassed and try to use euphemisms for our shortcomings. But it’s most helpful to us if we just state the sin plainly. For example, among today’s young men (and even women), pornography use and masturbation is widespread. In those cases (and all others), we should simply name the sins. There’s usually no need to elaborate on a sin (especially if it’s sexual), but we also shouldn’t conceal anything out of embarrassment.

What makes a good confession? Being honest with yourself, with your priest, and with God.

A Confessional Guide

Since many people don’t know where to begin – and we often don’t even realize some of our unhealthy behavior is sinful – I find it helpful to have a guide. At the confessional at our church, we have the following text that is adapted from St. Demetrius of Rostov. Some people pause at the end of each paragraph and reflect on ways that they’ve fallen short; other people will wait until the end to do so. Either method is acceptable.

I confess to the Lord my God and before you, venerable father, all my countless sins, committed by me unto this very day and hour, in deed, word, and thought.

I sin daily and hourly by my lack of gratitude toward God for His great and countless blessings and His constant watchfulness over me.

I have sinned through: idle talking, making fun of others, telling inappropriate jokes or laughing at those of others, speaking irreverently, cursing, swearing, slandering others, gossiping, and all other worthless speech.

I have overeaten, drunk too much, or have dwelt immoderately upon food or drink in my thoughts.

I have been proud, judged and criticized others, been stubborn, hardhearted, vainglorious, self-willed and disobedient. I have excused my sins while magnifying the sins of others, been ambitious, and thought too highly of myself.

I have sinned through anger, arguing with others (in my thoughts, on the internet, and in person), being contentious, irritable, impatient, quicker to speak than to listen, and remembering wrongs committed against myself or others.

I have sinned through lustful and impure thoughts, motivations, desires, glances, words, speech, and actions. (One may add any other related sin here)

I have envied others, greedily desired that which God has not given me, stolen that which does not belong to me, and lacked faith in God’s providential care for me.

I have been inattentive, indifferent, careless, spent time in idleness, rendered evil for evil, been embittered, light minded – not taking seriously the spiritual warfare that constantly surrounds me; I have tempted others and been dishonest.

I have allowed despondency to plague me, having negative or hopeless thoughts. I have doubted the love of God for me. I have thought or said inappropriate or blasphemous things about God, His Mother, the saints, or those within the Church.

I have been absent from divine services because of laziness and carelessness, absent-minded at prayer both in church and at home. I have skipped my prayer rule and the reading of Scriptures for dishonorable reasons. I have been lazy or procrastinated, not doing the work allotted for the day.

My merciful Lord, I have sinned in deed, word, and thought; in sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch and the rest of my mental and physical senses; of all my sins I repent and beg forgiveness.

(Here, one may mention specifically any other sins, or elaborate on one of the sins above, if there is something burdening the soul.)

I also repent and ask forgiveness for all those sins that I have not confessed because of their multitude and my forgetfulness.

Forgive and absolve me, venerable father, and bless me to commune of the holy and life-creating Mysteries of Christ unto the remission of sins and life everlasting.

Prayer Rule & Fasting

I would be remiss to not include some brief instruction on fasting and prayer.

Since the first centuries, those preparing for holy illumination (which is what they called baptism in the early centuries) fasted. It would be good to fast for a few days before you are baptized and/or chrismated. That may mean a complete abstinence from food if you have the strength (which is the most traditional way). For others, it may mean very simple “dry” meals of things like bread, nuts, and water.

Such fasting is separate from the pre-communion “Eucharistic Fast,” in which we fast from all food, drink, and marital relations the evening before receiving communion. The traditional time to begin the Eucharist Fast was at sundown the night before. However, due to our weakness, the Church has permitted us to start our food and drink fast at midnight (at the latest). Any exceptions to this rule (such as to take critical medication) should be discussed with your spiritual father.

Regarding prayer, one should continue praying that God guide them in repentance as they prepare for holy illumination. Additionally, when preparing to receive the Eucharist, Orthodox Christians set aside time for completing pre-communion prayers. The traditional prayer rule is quite long and takes about an hour and a half to complete in its fullness. Monastics typically keep this rule, but most laity follow something more abbreviated. My guidance is complete the pre-communion prayers and canon, which can both be found in the St. Tikhon’s Prayerbook and the Jordanville Prayerbook. In the STM book, these prayers are located on pages 138-166, in the Jordanville book they are on pages 331-375.

You may look at those prayers and think, “Wow, that’s a lot of prayers!” To which I always respond, “Yes, and it’s meant to be a lot.” The Church asks us – when we are about to encounter God and to receive His holy and precious Body and Blood – that we prepare ourselves through fasting, prayer, and confession. This long prayer rule forces us to set aside a little time (about 30-40 minutes) for God. Forgive my bluntness in writing this, but we are to act as if God is actually important in our lives. We are to show that He is more important than going to parties and movies on Saturday nights, or sleeping in late on Sunday mornings. We American Christians are bad about serving God only when He fits into our schedules and He’s convenient to us. This pre-communion prayer rule can help us to form better habits and a better attitude toward God and holy things. It’s not meant to be a legalistic requirement, but as I’ve said, it teaches us to prepare to meet God and prioritize Him over other things in our lives.

Freedom

When preparing for my life confession, I was excited. I had many sins that I wanted to get off my chest. When the day arrived, I was nervous. Such feelings are common. Most often, we find the greatest freedom in revealing the sins we’re most nervous or embarrassed about. The priest is not there to judge you – not even God is there to judge you. We come to confession to judge ourselves and ask for God’s forgiveness and mercy. When we’re honest about everything, there is great grace that comes through confession.

May God have mercy on you and bless you as you prepare!