More on The Five Love Languages

I previously blogged what was meant to be a slight critique of The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.  It has been one of the more popular posts on this website and I recently received a letter from a reader who was skeptical of Dr. Chapman’s book.  My intention never was to throw Dr. Chapman under the bus.  Therefore, I thought my response to this reader may help provide a balancing counterpart to my original essay.

THE LETTER

Dear M~,

Congratulations on several decades of marriage.  That is a wonderful gift from God.  Many marriages do not last that long these days; and even many marriages that do have no guarantee of continuing in a healthy manner.  Like the Christian struggle that never ends, our marriage is a gift that needs continual upkeep and love.

You are right about the “give-to-get” mentality that is widespread throughout our entire society.  It distorts loving relationships and turns them into something other than what God designed.  Despite that, I would actually recommend you follow your therapist’s suggestion of reading The Five Love Languages.  But do so with discernment.

Continue reading More on The Five Love Languages

A Critique of the Five Love Languages

love_by_jpdeanFrom my teenage years until recent times, I firmly believed that all people had their needs for love fulfilled in five different ways, as outlined in the best seller by Dr. Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages.

Now that I have been exposed to Orthodox theology and have come to know my own heart more deeply, I feel that Dr. Chapman’s book needs a critique.

As outlined by Dr. Chapman, there are five ways in which people give and receive love.  When someone in a relationship feels unloved, it may be because their significant other is not “speaking” their “love language.”  The five are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch Continue reading A Critique of the Five Love Languages